


A Beatiful Mental Jukebox

by aquarian_sunchild



Category: Nirvana (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Present Day AU, RPF, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, sonic youth don't actually appear but they play a key role
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 03:33:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquarian_sunchild/pseuds/aquarian_sunchild
Summary: She was curled into a quilt on a sofa, flipping through a book of baby names while her phone shuffled up a playlist to help her concentrate. She didn’t even do this when Frances was born. Her daughter’s name just came to her like a cartoon light bulb over her head.Why couldn’t it be that easy for herself?I guess I just couldn't let this AU go just yet. A continued exploration of the scenario I began in Truth Covered In Security.Song references are noted at the end of the fic.





	A Beatiful Mental Jukebox

This felt...stupid.

She was curled into a quilt on a sofa, flipping through a book of baby names while her phone shuffled up a playlist to help her concentrate. She didn’t even do this when Frances was born. Her daughter’s name just came to her like a cartoon light bulb over her head.

Why couldn’t it be that easy for herself?

She was just reaching the end of the B section. _Brie_ seemed nice. It was short, super easy, and there was a sort of free-spirit vibe to it. She was a free-spirit type, wasn’t she? Sure, she could get used to the name Br--

Wait.

Cheese.

Brie is a kind of cheese.

She had almost christened herself Cheese Cobain.

Well. That was a catastrophe averted. And anyway it was apparently French for ‘marshland’. Names are weird. 

An Against Me! song was playing while she pondered the weirdness of names. Nice. She remembered that Laura Jane sang about how her name was something her mom would’ve called her as a baby if things had worked out differently. The thought had crossed _her_ mind to give Wendy a call; but this felt like something she should do by herself, for herself. And God only knew what sort of wretched name Wendy once had in mind.

She immediately recognized the riff of the next song. She had always wondered if this song was about her. After all, she and the guys had rubbed elbows enough with Sonic Youth by the time that album had been released for it to be a possibility. And the line about God being gay, that had to be a nod to her. Right? What if Thurston and Kim had seen something in her back then that she hadn’t yet?

As the next song buzzed to life, she realized she may have overloaded her phone with Sonic Youth somewhat. “Hey Joni…”

“Yeah?” It was something she said by impulse now whenever she heard this song. It made the guys laugh waybackwhen, to see her pretend to have a conversation with a song about a woman.

She stalled her train of thought for a moment, let the song wash over her like gentle waves. She imagined the name as some sort of jacket she would would wear for the rest of her life. It fit. No nonsense, comfortable. She liked the thought of hearing other people calling her this new name. And it was a name that had nothing to do with cheese. 

It really fit.

Lee’s insistence to ‘put it all behind you’ faded into silence, and she paused the app before the next song could shatter her moment of catharsis.

If only she knew it could be that easy. The baby name book fell to the floor as she stretched her legs. All the stress of the past few months, the dreadful feeling of having an identity with no label to put on it; she felt it washing away from her, physically and emotionally.

Joni put it all behind her.

**Author's Note:**

> Song references:  
> "...Laura Jane sang about how her name was something her mom would’ve called her as a baby..."-- The Ocean by Against Me!
> 
> "And the line about God being gay, that had to be a nod to her."-- Androgynous Mind by Sonic Youth
> 
> "Hey Joni..."-- Hey Joni by Sonic Youth


End file.
